Friday, 15 May 2015
I had an argument with someone once about why it was that I like (for lack of any better word) 'fucked up people'....
Well, I couldn't, I just couldn't for the life of me figure out how to put my words into a debatable sentence. I mean seriously... who can't formulate a sentence when I've decided I want to write a book... I know... saddening.... anyways, enough with the dramatics... So I decided I would write about it. Moreover it was about why I kept talking to my ex who had severely mentally damaged me and my BFF was all over me about why I kept speaking to him. I know it was probably a bad idea (hence I've stopped, apparently I only need to run into a wall about 700 times before I learn), but this was the only response I could give her about the way my brain works (or doesn't work, it's totally up for debate)
This one is pretty self explanatory.
I see so many people everyday that I feel have lost their sense of awe... their sense of FUN damnit!
I most times feel like I might actually appear to be childish and like I won't ever fit into this whole adult game. Most of the time though, I think adults are all just pretending. We're all kids at heart <3
I read (and yes this is cliche blegh) that you only grow old when you stop playing. I hope I never grow old then.
I have the best friend you see, she has been a part of my life for very many years, so many years I sometimes lose count and only recall my entire life with her as the biggest part of it. And how many times I may have thrown myself off a building (in my crazed dramatic brain mental states) had it not been for her calming voice reminding me that 'We always make a way Sam, give it time, one day, you'll see, it will all be alright'. Here I am pouring out my heart for the world to see. Should she see this though, I love you the she to my nanigans.
Sorry if I'm just killing people with my morbid ways. I guess we can all see which was my down days and later (much later) my manic days.
This day in particular, I recall feeling so bad for everyone around me. I am blessed with people who try their utmost to make it a bit easier for me to try make my way out of the depth of the darkness that smothers me. I remember this day so vividly only because I was pushing everyone so far away that it struck me that I prefer to be alone when I get like that...
Rant done! :)
I struggle with bipolar disorder and when I hit my lows I have to try and use any instrument I can find at certain times to pull myself out of the hole.
On this specific day (and excuse my rambling) I happened to see a crow at the robot (or as most people who aren't from SA say 'Traffic Light') and he looked so happy, literally doing what I decided was a little dance, jumping up and down and flying here and there. It made me smile for what felt like the first time in months.
Anyway, that's that story of this piece... :)
One of the first things I have uploaded on any social media.
Most times you hear about how beautiful love can be. Sometimes when you're honest with yourself you realize that (and I'm going to take an extract from the amazing Marissa Crane here) 'You, yourself, are the bloodshed'